The Wreck of Our Hearts Read online

  “You’re welcome, Aria,” I shrugged. “Everything needs to be celebrated.”

  Aria

  I stood at the counter and watched as Katya put the last glass into the rack. “You are falling.”

  “I’m trying not to,” I admitted.

  The entire day I walked around aimlessly, trying to figure out how to stop myself from feeling anything for Dasher. He was attentive. We had amazing conversations. He was gorgeous. He was everything I would’ve wanted if only my heart understood that it was okay to leave Holden behind and move on.

  “Besides,” I sighed as I tied up my hair. “I saw him kiss a girl outside the apartment today.”

  Katya smiled. “Then you’re safe.”

  “Why?” I asked amused as we walked to the front door. Dasher was on the sidewalk with Clay.

  “It’s an instant turn off for you when a guy has a girlfriend or is even remotely interested in someone else.”

  I smiled wistfully. “If only I picked up on that with Holden.”

  “Let us not mention evil incarnate on an auspicious day,” she held up her hand in a ward off gesture.

  “I love you,” I hugged her tightly.

  Her dark eyes shone with compassion and fierce protectiveness. “I would cut the next bitch who thinks you’re some sort of a plaything. That asshole is lucky he hasn’t faced Olivia or me.”

  I shuddered at the thought. My girls would pummel his face in if they ever saw him. Olivia would probably embarrass him with her words. Katya will fuck up his world by smiling and telling him what worthless piece of shit he was.

  “Have you heard from Scott?” she raised her brows as she and I walked down the steps.

  “Nope,” I shrugged. “I don’t know if this whole getting to know people think is actually going to work out for me."

  Scott was a guy who randomly messaged me and also happened to be a friend of a friend of a friend in Katya's circle. He was gorgeous, he was accomplished, but we could never keep a conversation going. I hated people who had a one-sided conversation, if I ask you a question, I'd like you to ask me a follow up to keep it going. It seemed as though these days the conversations were stilted, but invitations for sex were met with enthusiasm.

  I don’t know how I felt about getting to know someone who had no problem talking about sex but couldn’t keep a clean conversation going otherwise.

  “Oh well,” Katya tilted her head from side to side. “To be honest, I feel like you’re not all that broken up about not being able to move on.”

  “It has been a few months…” I trailed off.

  “It has been almost a year,” she sighed. “Anyway, I’m your friend, as much as I don’t like that you’re still devoting your life to him by not moving on… I will still be there for you.”

  “As long as you remind me what an idiot I’m being,” I said with a smile that I didn’t mean.

  Giving me a knowing look, she said. “Always.”

  I watched as she walked away and past Clay and Dasher. She gave each one a hug before leaving. I smiled. It was amazing that in less than a month, my friends and Dasher’s friends seemed to have gelled so well.

  Dasher waved to Clay and then walked up the pathway to the stairs. We headed back to the apartment in silence. After he locked the door and made sure all the curtains were drawn. He started to head my way.

  I smiled. “Thank you so much for today.”

  “Hey, it’s no big,” he shrugged. “Besides, I think they like hanging out together.”

  I nodded. “True.”

  “So, I guess I should address what you saw out there today?” he slid his hands into his jean pockets and looked up at me from under his lashes.

  My breath caught, but I reeled it in and smiled at him. “You don’t owe me any explanations, Dasher, as long as she isn't someone that’s going to jeopardize whatever we’ve got going on here.”

  “She’s cool,” he said even though he didn’t sound too sure. “I don’t think she would be much of a problem.”

  I nodded once and without saying goodnight, I headed into my bedroom. I leaned against the door and closed my eyes. Why the fuck did I walk away so fast?

  Why the hell were tears brimming in my eyes?

  Chapter Seven

  Aria

  It’d been a week since that awkward situation with Dasher, surprisingly, he hadn’t broached the subject or even brought her over. It was stupid because I had no intention of cramping his style. I liked his company and losing that because I was jealous of him having a girlfriend was really stupid.

  I sighed as I straightened my ass-length t-shirt and tucked my hand into the pocket of my jeans. I felt really awkward these days after my new haircut. It seemed like people now noticed me. I pursed my full pale pink matte textured lips and made my way in.

  Starbucks was bustling as usual. I was lucky that I found myself a table in the far corner of the store. Armed with my coffee and laptop, I sat down at the two-seater table and opened up the Mac. I had decided—without Leo’s knowledge—that I was going to redesign their brand.

  I had an idea of what I wanted to do with the logo and especially the merchandise. I knew Leo initially told me that he had no intention of doing anything elaborate because his resident deejays brought in most of his customers. I still had an idea that there was a way to bring in more people, especially considering there were clubs popping up all over New York. People of New York had the means, money, and mindset to travel a great distance just to have a good time.

  I was so deep into my planning that I eventually blocked the world out. Today was a Friday and I knew Dasher was out at the club so going to an empty house seemed really depressing even though I was living that life way before Dasher came along.

  “I forgot how deep into your work you could get. It is almost as if you check out of the world completely,” said an amused voice.

  My heart went cold and my body locked. There was no way, right? I looked up and I had no idea whether to cry or throw my cup of coffee in Holden’s face. My bangs tickling my eyeballs were truly the reason why I blinked profusely.

  There he stood. Tall with a full head of black thick hair, brown bedroom eyes, and that smirk he liked to use. I remember how many times I would stare at his photos and the curves of his bow-shaped lips. He wore his expensive maroon shirt with thin white stripes and dark blue jeans. The bastard looked good and the smile on his face told me he knew I noticed.

  I looked back at my laptop and pressed two keys before he opened his cursed mouth again.

  “How are you, Ari?”

  “Really? Which part of you honestly thought that coming up to me was a good idea?” I snapped. My voice wobbled, but I tried so hard to reign it all in.

  “You’re still mad at me?” he looked genuinely confused.

  “Am I still,” I took in a deep breath and then let it out slowly. “Please do us both a favor and get out of my sight.”

  The asshole, as always, did whatever he wanted to do. He pulled out the opposite chair and slid in. I hated how much the fact that his cologne still smelled the same affected me.

  “You disappeared, Ari,” he said with a frown. “How was I supposed to explain myself?”

  “What exactly would you have explained to me?” I looked at him wide-eyed. “How you suddenly moved on?”

  “You told me to live my life freely with no interference or being beholden to you!” he protested.

  I laughed. “You are a dense fuck. I didn’t expect you to publicly replace me within four months!”

  “It wasn’t –”

  “As much as you are an asshole, Holden, I know you are not the type of person to just randomly announce you’re in a relationship after four months,” I breathed in deep. “So how long was this going on before you decided to drop me?”

  He looked away. Guilt tracked his eyes and it took everything in me not to hit him with my coffee mug.

  “You know,” I sighed. “I’m not even mad that you left me or
decided I wasn’t good enough. I’m heartbroken at how you went about doing it. You started an argument, you broke my character, you gave me hope, and then you suddenly moved on. You didn’t even have the decency to give me a head’s up.”

  “You had blocked me from all social media!” he said weakly.

  “And that is the excuse you’re going with?” I spat. “We were still in contact when you put that damn declaration up! You only admitted it to me because I pulled it out of you.”

  “Ari—”

  "I cannot even go forward with any relationship because I'm afraid that after three years they're going to realize I'm no longer good enough," I gritted. My anger surfaced at lightning speed. "I'm done."

  “Ari—” he pleaded.

  “My name is Aria,” I snapped. “I hate you, Holden. I hate you with every fiber of my being.”

  "You cannot mean that," he shook his head. His dark eyes looked sincerely sad. That was the worst part of everything that was happening right now. Is that I knew he was genuinely sorry and I knew that he had no idea what his actions had set into motion, but it shattered me nonetheless.

  “I do,” I sighed. “I mean every word of it.”

  “You know I couldn’t do the long-distance thing,” he argued. “You know that was the reason why I created so much distance between us that last year!”

  “Because like the coward you are, you could not just end things, could you?” I stared at him, trying to will the tears away. “You didn’t for one second think that hey maybe I should let her go instead of stringing her along and making her miserable. Maybe instead of meeting this other girl and basically being dishonest with her from the start—maybe I should just let Aria go.”

  Holden looked down at the table and then tried to reach for my fist which was clenched above the table. “I know I handled things poorly. I genuinely loved you. It killed me to see your pain. I saw the things you put on social media, I know you were miserable.”

  "Nothing about what you said absolves anything you have done to me," I snatched my hand away from his. "All this is just the recycled conversation that you decided to have with me over text because once again, you were too much of a coward to meet me or even call me and tell me all these things."

  I stood and slammed the laptop shut and gathered the rest of my things. “I spent too many years waiting for you; I’m not going to wait for you to leave either.” I looked down at him for one last time. “Next time you decide to talk about me, tell them that I was the girl who put the broken pieces of my heart into your hands and instead of keeping it from falling, you crushed it into a million pieces.”

  My hands shook as I tried to get the door opened. I was supposed to be out all night because I didn’t want to come home to an empty house. It was only eight, I doubt Dasher left for his night at the club. I forced my way in, heaving, and almost choked on the breath I held when I saw Dasher on the couch watching TV with his girlfriend.

  They sprang apart making it obvious that they were making out on the couch. My inner manners told me to acknowledge the fact that someone I hadn’t met was in my house and to be civil towards her considering she was Dasher’s girlfriend, but I just wasn’t in the mood.

  I gave them both some semblance of a weak smile and started down the hall, vaguely aware of Dasher saying something.

  I closed my door quietly and locked it. I threw my laptop and belongings on the bed and quickly stripped out of my clothes.

  A knock sounded at my door. “Aria?”

  “Yeah?” I answered in a huff as I tried to slide on my skintight leather pants.

  “Are you okay in there? Should we leave?” he sounded unsure and almost annoyed. I could only imagine how he felt. Being treated that way or having his girlfriend being treated that way.

  I guess the fact that I am never the chosen one is the reason I behaved like that.

  I schooled my features and swallowed hard. My voice took on a light, happy tone. “Sorry! I’m actually in a hurry to go out. I will come and say hi shortly.”

  I heard him whisper shortly as if wondering why I was speaking in such a formal way. “You didn’t look or sound right, Ari.”

  There’s that name Ari again. Fuck! I needed to get out of here.

  “Relax, Dasher,” I sighed as I slid my one-shoulder black evening top on and made my way to my dresser to do my make-up. “Everything is fine. I’m just in a hurry.”

  “Okay,” he sounded resigned. “I’ll see you out there.”

  "See ya!" I said with fake cheer.

  I lined my eyes with black and used enough mascara to make my eyelashes look false. I used the contouring kit that Katya had given me last year as a birthday gift, something I had never used. I topped my lips up with a nude matte lip-gloss which made my already pouty lips pop. I grabbed the flat-iron and straightened my hair till it was bone straight. When I was happy with the result, I slid into my silver crystal heels. It was made with rhinestones and it made the outfit look even better than I imagined.

  I grabbed my evening bag and slid it on my shoulder and made sure I had my credit card. I looked at my phone on the bed and decided to walk out of the room—without it.

  I inhaled deeply and then pasted on a fake smile as I entered the lounge. “Hey.”

  Dasher looked up and his mouth dropped open slightly. It made me feel good until his girlfriend spoke.

  “Hi,” she said in an incredibly sweet voice. “I’m Paisley.”

  She even had a wholesome fucking name.

  “Nice to finally meet you,” I nodded as if Dasher spoke about her often. “I’m Aria.”

  “I hope it isn't a problem that I’m over,” she said uncomfortably. God. How could I not find her adorable? She was what he chose in his life and I needed to accept that. Just like I did with Holden. Thinking of Holden almost had me cringing visibly.

  “Of course not!” I said incredulously. Damn, I was good at pretending. “This is just as much Dasher’s place as it mine! You’re welcome at any time.”

  I turned to Dasher who somehow looked really uncomfortable. His hair was mussed and his lips were swollen. It pained me to see but I pasted my fake smile on brighter and grinned at him after a few seconds. "Any, I'm out. I'll be back later probably after you get back from the club."

  “Call me if you need anything,” he said gruffly. “Are you going with the girls?”

  I smiled at him and continued walking towards the door, ignoring his question altogether. I did not want to lie to him. Instead, I gave him a vague answer. “I’m probably going to head there.”

  There. Half-truth.

  Dasher

  Something about the way Aria behaved did not seem right. I almost messaged the girls to check whether she was actually meeting them. Aria looked fucking hot with the skintight ensemble. It highlighted the little curves she had. As for those fuck-me heels and blowjob worthy lips, I could only guess that tonight she was looking for trouble in the worst way.

  “You okay, Dash?” Paisley frowned from next to me.

  “Yeah,” I said with a smile, almost as fake as Aria’s was. “Why do you ask?”

  “You seemed a little tense seeing Aria like that,” she said in an unsure voice.

  I shook my head and threw my arm around her shoulders pulling her closer to my side. “She’s had a little trouble lately in her personal life. We all just worry about her that is all.”

  “You’re really sweet,” she smiled and then bit her lip.

  “What is it, darling?” I tilted her face up with her chin between my fingers.

  “She is very beautiful,” she said with her large brown eyes begging me to chase away her insecurities.

  It was true. Aria was a beautiful woman who wore her heart on her sleeve. It was what made her so damn attractive. It was how I knew she lied to me today even though she tried not to. It was the reason Paisley was even in here in the first place. She was the buffer that stopped me from throwing everything that I had with Aria, all away.

>   Still, I lied to my girlfriend. “You have nothing to fear, darling, Aria and I are just roommates.”

  I hoped to hell that my stupid brain, dick, and heart would catch a clue and start believing the lies that my mouth spurted when it came to Aria.

  Aria

  You cannot go where I’m going.

  I know that my life is going a certain way.

  No matter what or who, you will always be my soulmate.

  I will always love, don’t think I’ve stopped.

  Are you still mad at me?

  I drank shot after shot of tequila as the words or should I say as Holden’s lies assaulted my brain one after the other. I was at Blue. Something I hoped Leo would never find out since they were his biggest competitors. Blue was not as huge or as calm as Allure was. Blue was cramped. You were lucky to find a seat at the bar or a spot on the dance floor.

  The elites of New York partied here because, like I said, without branding no one knew about Allure. This reminded me that I needed to get back to what I was doing before asshole stopped me. I thought back to how he looked. I hated that he looked so good. I hated that my heart couldn’t help but skip a beat at the sight and sound of him. I hate that my thoughts were so anxious because of that asshole.

  What I was slightly proud and shocked about was that I meant it when I said I hated him. I gulped my fifth shot and despised the fact that I was not drunk. I was tipsy. I decided I needed to dance a bit. I managed not to wobble, stumble or fall flat on my face when I made my way in my six-inch heels to the middle of the dancefloor.

  There was a Justin Bieber song playing and I moved my body to the beat. It felt good to let go. I felt slightly off-kilter. I usually shook my ass in the office to the mixes that Dasher played. Thinking of Dasher brought another surge of anger and sadness through my body.

  Why was it that the men I knew were a perfect fit for me, never thought I was a perfect fit for them? I closed my eyes and continued to dance for what felt like hours until I felt large hands circling my hips. I turned my head to the side to find a very attractive stranger with light eyes and a suit.